Climate activist Greta Thunberg, the teenage wonder who swept the left off its feet with the harrowing line “How dare you!”, is facing charges in Norway for defrauding the state university’s research department for millions of francs.
“We were shocked to learn what she did,” said Johan Barronsen, head of the department, “We had such a good relationship. I honestly had no idea.”
Barronsen says Thunberg earned a full scholarship to the school as an alternative to attending Stockholm University in her home country of Denmark. “We were thrilled she came. Now we’re saddened by her lies.”
According to authorities, Thunberg intimidated several students in the computer lab until they ran a scheme that pulled a fraction of a cent from every transaction in Sweden for seven months. “We don’t know why she chose Sweden,” said Barronsen, “other than she really liked their cheese.”
Thunberg will be extradited to Romania, for some reason, where she’ll spend four to six nights helping investigators prosecute Andrew Tate, then on to Istanbul to be tried for her crimes against the people of Cameroon.
“At this point,” said Thunberg’s lawyer, Ryuan J Fish of Williams, Vanden, and Boom, “we’re not sure what country she’ll be in at any given time next week, but we’re fairly certain none of them will actually charge her with anything.
After a short investigation, our own team has concluded that the entire story is likely a crock of doody, but it’s always nice to have hope and prayers that awful things will happen to those we disagree with. God Bless America.