The View Opens Auditions to Replace Whoopi Goldberg

ABC’s “The View” will open auditions to replace Whoopi Goldberg, according to a network release to shareholders obtained by ALLOD.

In the disclosure, CEO Joe Barron notified the board and majority owners that the controversies surrounding Goldberg have gotten out of hand and the lawsuits too numerous to count.

“We have no choice at this point but to quietly audition for a new lead host,” said Barron, “before Ms. Goldberg brings the whole thing down.”

We reached out to Whoopi for comment but hit a brick wall. Her spokesman, Skip Tetheludah, told us that even if there wasn’t a restraining order in place, she wouldn’t bother responding to this “utter nonsense.”

“My client isn’t in danger of losing her job,” said Tetheludah, “especially as often as you take it away.” Whatever that means.

According to our sources, new hosts could include Alyssa Milano, Rachel Maddow, Laurie Metcalf, and Candace Cameron Bure.

As of yet, there is no official statement or press release but the information has been triple-sourced and double-verified. We also watched several YouTube videos on the subject and discovered that taters are also beginning to really dislike Sunny Hostin. Dreads would seal that deal for sure.

On a lighter note, Roseanne’s new show in the same time slot should be fun now that Dennis Miller has signed on. Look for that one next, patriots. God Bless America.

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