Beyonce Banned From NFL After Singing “Black National Anthem” Instead of Star Spangled Banner

There’s no way someone who’s been around the entertainment business as long as Beyonce Knowles would ever do something so dumb that it would completely tank her career, right?

Wrong. Knowles was slated to sing The Star Spangled Banner for the crowded game in San Fransisco last Monday, but instead decided to belt out “Lift E’ry Voice And Sing,” otherwise known as “The Black National Anthem.”

Fans immediately began booing the singer, shouting things like “racer-baiter” and “All Lives Matter” at her. Knowles ignored them and finished the song.

She was then asked to leave by NFL security who escorted her from the stadium and issued her a lifetime ban from ever returning. Even the NFL knows where the line is and when not to cross it.

Luckily, after she left, Oliver Anthony and Jason Aldean sprang into action and made sure the crowd got what they really needed: some good old fashioned forced nationalism.

“They tried to pay us,” said Aldean, “but we weren’t gonna have it. We sing that song for free.” Aldean and Anthony, who seem to be on some sort of Brokeback journey together across the Pacific Northwest, said they would have taken the money and donated it to a local charity had they not been in San Fransisco. “I’ve seen pictures of that guy that shits everywhere,” said Anthony, “and people walking by eating burritos like there’s nothing going on.”

He has a great point, patriots. Why do anything to enhance anyone’s life if they’re just gonna turn around and vote for Biden 5 times? God Bless America.

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