ABC’s New Parent Company Wants “The View” Canceled

For years, ABC has kept “The View” on the air, despite its horrible ratings. In the coveted 11 am Eastern spot, the show was once a powerhouse that couldn’t be beaten. Now it regularly loses to The Five and a slew of game shows across half a dozen networks and streaming apps.

“It’s been last for a long time,” said network spokesman Joe Barron, “and with the new owners, that’s not gonna fly.”

Barron says the show gets a lot of leeway because of the respect they have for Barbara Walters, but it’s become obvious that Whoopi will never be the host that brings in the big numbers.

“We’d love to move them to 7 am so they can compete with Morning Joe, but she won’t have it,” said Barron, “Whoopi wants her spotlight or nothing at all.”

We reached out to producers of The View through a surrogate because of the restraining order we’re still disputing in a federal court. Our partner correspondent, Cynthia Luwho, says Whoopi and the rest are once again in complete denial.

“They said they won’t comment because this is the sixth time they’ve been canceled this year,” said Luwho, “and something about how it’s probably that Blair guy again and that he needs ‘new material.’”

Believe us, Whoopi, we know better than anyone. Unfortunately, when chumming the waters, you don’t switch from fish parts to Skittles to see what happens. You just…chum. God Bless America.

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