Oliver Anthony Turns Down $8 Million Target Endorsement: “I Won’t Sell My Soul”

Newly-discovered country star Oliver Anthony has already been offered an $8 million endorsement from none other than woke box store Target. He, of course, turned it down.

According to the new Director of Marketing, Joe Barron, the chain has been looking for someone who represents the working-class American and not just a bunch of Zoomers who just graduated high school.

“It’s a marketing strategy that may take some time to implement,” said Barron, “but we’re confident that come next June, nobody will remember we ever did a Pride month display.”

What would it take for Anthony to take an endorsement from Target? “Not for all the pork in Washington,” he said. And he plans to stick to it.

The $8 million number is quite a coincidence, according to ALLOD lead journalisticator Flagg Eagleton. “I had this title in drafts a few days ago,” he said, “long before Anthony said he turned down that same number. It’s like the Gods of satire are smiling down on me.”

Flagg sometimes likes to talk to himself as both himself and me in the third person. It makes him feel more like he does now than he did when he sat down to write this nonsense.

Anyway, God Bless you, Oliver Anthony, for being mentally ill enough to write a song everyone loves. Unless they’re on public assistance, which is too poor for the poor, apparently. God Bless America.

Related Posts

Thankful kangaroo offers a handshake after three men save it from freezing lake

We always love seeing people helping animals. It’s a truly thankless job — animals don’t usually show much appreciation for a good deed. But sometimes animals have…

Mechanic Saves a Puppy Stuck in a Backpack in a Dumpster

Almost every day, there are cases of abandoned dogs. The case usually ends with the dog surviving after being rescued or dying due to neglect. People shouldn’t…

People called the poor dog ‘werewolf’ because they simply didn’t know what kind of animal he was

In Madera Ranchos, California, a bizarre creature that resembled a “werewolf” stood on the side of the road close to an orchard. Everyone was afraid to even…

Every day, a squirrel bangs on the house window: After eight years, they understand what she wants to say

Although there can be very profound bonds between humans and animals, we must exercise caution when it comes to wildlife. It might be challenging to determine exactly…

FIVE Steps to Detect and Prevent Corona Phlebectatica

Corona Phlebectatica is a sign of chronic venous insufficiency characterized by the appearance of enlarged veins around the ankle. To detect and prevent this condition: Regular Examination:…

Rescue takes in severely matted dog who looks like a wig — today she’s unrecognizable

It’s truly remarkable the difference a haircut can make, especially for a dog. Many stray and neglected dogs go ungroomed, causing them distress as their fur becomes…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *