The Claim: Whoopi Goldberg Is Having A Hissy Fit Because Roseanne Is Getting A New Show

Claimed by: Multiple internet sources

Fact-checker: F. Eagleton

We Rate This Claim: TRUE!

It’s true, patriots. Whoop[i Goldberg is, in fact, having a little breakdown over Roseanne Barr getting her own morning show. Depending on which timeline you’re currently following in the Roseanne Multiverse, there are a couple of ways this could be true.

First, Whoopi might just be petty enough to hate Roseanne enough to be upset that she’s getting any kind of show. But second, and highly more likely, is that Roseanne is getting a show modeled after “The View” and placed directly opposite her in a ratings battle.

Either way, the scenario plays out well for more “reporting” well into the new month. This is the 43rd consecutive month that something about Whoopi Goldberg has gone places.

All that means is that the story is even more credible, patriots, because the more people who just toss caution and reality to the wind to believe it aren’t trying to be dumbasses, they’re patriots who know the story might happen under the correct circumstances.

So there you have it, straight from the journalisticator’s mouth, patriots. This story…is true. God Bless America.