Garth Brooks Can’t Get a Table in Nashville: “He Made Himself an Outcast”

If you don’t think public opinion matters, just ask Garth Brooks. Since that fateful day that he decided to call the majority of country music fans a-holes, his entire career has been in a tailspin.

According to our records, Brooks has lost all of the financing for his new club, been shunned from the Academy of Country Music, dropped by Capitol Records, and booed offstage at the iconic Texan festival at Hambriston.

What may hit home most, however, is how his own peers have treated him. “I can’t find a table anywhere in Nashville,” Brooks told ALLOD correspondent Skip Tetheludah, “none of my regular spots will have me.”

Considering he loved the steakhouse at Kid Rock’s Honky Tonk and the barbeque at Guy Fieris Pig Bits Gastropub, it’s no wonder that he’s having a rough time. “It’s not just that,” he told Skip, “all the themed bars on Broadway have shunned me.”

Considering the street is littered with nothing but theme bars, his upcoming grand opening included, Nashville must be a pretty lonely place for him and his wife. Our sources tell us that while in the real world, he’s likely moved on and couldn’t care less, in the Bud Light Multiverse, Punishing Garth Brooks is still a very popular topic.

“Have you ever had people so easily convinced that a single sentence could cost you nearly a billion dollars and the ability to open a club in Nashville? It’s pretty ridiculous. But it is fun to watch,” said the real Brooks. Probably.

Whatever your leanings, you have to admit. Things always seem to get really good at right about the fifth paragraph. God Bless America.

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