Michael Jordan turned down a $120 million offer from Disney to be the new name and face of the company.
The Walt Disney Corporation is trying desperately to rebrand itself after its time with “wokeness” backfired.
In the span of just under two years, the parks emptied as guests dropped their reservations, their movies flopped after being re-written to cater to a fraction of a percentage of Americans, and the CEO they replaced was forced to come back to right the sinking ship.
The big plan was to get some huge names to back the company on its path back to family values. Unfortunately, the number one name and the only man who could have made it work said no.
“It’s far too woke for him,” said Jordan’s lifelong friend and spokesperson, Joe Barron, “Mike is done with the social justice warrior stuff. people need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and use their natural abilities to play professional sports if they want to get ahead. It’s that simple.”
Jordan would have been committing to 10 years of appearing on the Disney float at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade as well as a half-dozen appearances at Disney World, where he would stay in Cinderella’s castle with his family and friends and wave from the window in the morning.
“That’s an awful lot of waving a whole slew of wokeness to overlook for a measly $120 mill,” said Barron, “They’ll have to do better.” Disney hasn’t answered our requests for comment. Ever. God Bless America.