ABC Hires Tim Allen As Its “Conservative Programming Consultant”

ABC has decided that it can no longer ignore the growing number of conservatives in Hollywood. To maintain balance, the network has decided to create a “Conservative Ambassador of Programming” position to ensure that the entirety of the audience is represented.

Tim Allen, who spent years on ABC with two successful sitcoms that both leaned to the right, has been chosen as the first to hold the title.

“We’re excited to have Tim aboard,” said ABC President Joe Barron, “He’ll bring another dimension to our network.”

Some actors, writers, and directors have voiced their concerns that having someone like Allen looking over their shoulder may interfere with their messaging. “We write woke,” said The View’s head writer Sandy Batt, “and I don’t see that changing unless he fires us.” ABC hasn’t announced the full scope of Allen’s job title or whether or not he can release people from their contracts.

“He’s probably gonna make a killing selling coke,” said ALLOD Entertainment Correspondent Tara Newhols, “He’s really good at it and still has the connections.”

Just last night, Allen was spotted on The Sunset Strip at a typical comedy club hurling Rob Schneideresque woke jokes at an audience full of Roseanne Barrs.

Such is the way in Hollywood, patriots. God Bless America.

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