Declined: ABC Won’t Renew Whoopi Goldberg’s Contract – “It’s Time She Moves On”

According to an exclusive report from The Dunning Kruger Times, Whoopi Goldberg is at the end of her run with The View:

They didn’t fire her. They didn’t cancel her. They didn’t even cancel her show. What ABC did instead, to deal with its neverending Whoopi Goldberg problem, was to simply decline to re-sign her to a new contract. The move will cost Goldberg her lead on a popular show and upwards of $36 million per year in salary and endorsements.

“It’s time to move on,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “she had a good run..” Barron said the network is constantly inundated with complaints from people who don’t like Goldberg. “Most of them can’t explain why, but it’s their right not to,” he commented.

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, says the negotiations are far from over and that he expects ABC to offer his client a new contract through 2029. “She is the show,” he said, “who’s gonna run it, Joy Behar? She doesn’t have the star power to do what Whoopi does.”

It’s all fun and games until someone fires Whoopi, patriots, then the teeth come out.

It should be fun to watch how this all turns out. Again. But on a different website with a shiny new meme.

Stay tuned, patriots. We’ll keep you updated on this riveting story. God Bless America.

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