TRUE: Clint Eastwood Skewered “Spoiled Brat” Alyssa Milano on Twitter

Is it true? Did Clint Eastwood go on Twitter and skewer liberal princess Alyssa Milano? It sure is. The nearly 100-year-old Eastwood told the girl half his age to “grow up, you’re 50.” We confirmed the source and ran the standard journalistic investigation and found this story to be 100 percent true.

While the story doesn’t appear on Twitter anymore, we’ve been assured by the journalisticator who wrote it that it’s first-hand knowledge and that we can trust his word. So far, in more than four fact-checks, he hasn’t been wrong. “I know what I saw, and I wrote about it immediately.”

We reached out to Clint Eastwood’s social media manager, Art Tubolls, who told us that his accounts are all his and real, even if he doesn’t have one. “If you actually go to Twitter,” said Tubolls, “you won’t technically ‘find’ Clint. but he’s there, and if he told her to grow up, she should listen to him.”

Milano’s agent, Joe Barron, said the exchange left her reeling and that she’d most likely have to cry a little. “Alyssa hates it when potatoes in deep-red America believe the nonsense these assholes write, said Barron, “she’s got every reason to weep a little.”

What a shame. After all these years, just before her career was about to spring back to life, the girl I learned to satisfy myself to when I was 13 lost it all. Damn you ALLOD. But God bless you, America.

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