ABC Declines to Renew Whoopi Goldberg’s Contract: “It’s Time to Move On”

They didn’t fire her. They didn’t cancel her. They didn’t even cancel her show. What ABC did instead, to deal with its neverending Whoopi Goldberg problem, was to simply decline to re-sign her to a new contract. The move will cost Goldberg her lead on a popular show and upwards of $36 million per year in salary and endorsements.

“It’s time to move on,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “she had a good run..” Barron said the network is constantly inundated with complaints from people who don’t like Goldberg. “Most of them can’t explain why, but it’s their right not to,” he commented.

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, says the negotiations are far from over and that he expects ABC to offer his client a new contract through 2029. “She is the show,” he said, “who’s gonna run it, Joy Behar? She doesn’t have the star power to do what Whoopi does.”

Barron says Behar isn’t the only option, as freeing up all that cash could net the show two new hosts. “I’ll bet we could get both Alyssa Milano and Kathy Griffin for half of that,” he chuckled. Alyssa Milano ignored our request for comment. Again.

Dear person reviewing this for Adsense for the millionth time: This post is satire. There is nothing dangerous or derogatory about it. Thanks for stopping by.

Related Posts

Caitlyn Jenner Opens Up About Her Relationship with the Kardashian-Jenner Family

Caitlyn Jenner, the 73-year-old former Olympian and reality TV star, recently sat down for an interview to promote her upcoming documentary about her family. In the interview,…

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are happy because they became grandparents again.

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn are really happy because they just became grandparents for the eighth time. They’re as thrilled as any grandparent would be! Everyone knows…

Sally Field’s worst on-screen kiss in her decades-long career might be a surprise to most

Sally Field has always been a favorite of mine. She is a legendary actress with exceptional talent. Additionally, the 76-year-old has had a long history of on-screen…

Flight attendant gives hilarious response to an arrogant rich woman

A very well dressed woman at this person’s flight refused to raise her tray when asked to do so by the gay flight attendant. Instead, she showed…

Michael Strahan’s daughter in extreme pain during chemotherapy for brain cancer

In a poignant and candid YouTube vlog, Isabella Strahan, the daughter of renowned TV personality Michael Strahan, opened up about her ongoing struggle with brain cancer. At…

A royal expert gives a “major” report on Kate Middleton’s surgery weeks after she got out of the hospital.

Kate Middleton is continuing her recovery from her abdominal surgery in mid-January. The Princess of Wales left the hospital, The London Clinic, almost two weeks after the…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *