Anheuser Busch isn’t just losing sales. It’s losing money. A lot of money.
Bud Light has plummeted across the country, but it suffers most in red states, where real Americans make companies pay for wokeness. Not only is the brand flailing in sales, but the company is also now forced to buy back all the expired beer that’s been sitting around since early April.
“We’re looking at losses in the billions when this is all said and done,” said the company’s newly-hired marketing director, Joe Barron, “there’s just no way the company can possibly continue this way.”
Barron says they will phase out Bud Light by the end of the year, with its final production run coming at the end of the third quarter. “We’ll use that stock through the Christmas season and be done with it.”
There you have it, patriots. Living proof that boycotts do, in fact, work. If we keep it up, the whole company will probably go under, just like Nike, Ford, Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Yeti, And the other 845 things we’ve sworn off this week over rainbows.
At some point, they’ll all learn that nothing makes real Americans more upset than brightly-colored things. We’ll take camo trucks and dark sunglasses over pink shirts and tucking panties any day, patriots, and that’s what makes us special.
God Bless America.