Colin Kaepernick’s adoptive parents, Brad and Didid Kaepernick, say they’re not going to hide the truth from the public any longer. According to the couple, who took Colin in at the tender age of just three, he’s as white as they are.

“Colin doesn’t have a drop of black in him,” said Didi, “he was always trying to be one of them. We really didn’t know why. But it didn’t matter. Kids play. As he got older, we just kind of…let it happen. He spent a lot of time tanning and told everyone he met at school that his biological mother was black.”

In fact, his biological mother was a white woman named Vicky who couldn’t hold down a job, smoked too many cigarettes, and managed to get herself pregnant during a 15-minute break from work at the diner. “We’re about 40% sure it’s Brad’s because he’s a sinner, but we can’t know for certain either way, sadly. ”

Brad died in 2022 of “a broken heart” and they had him cremated before anyone could grab a sample of his DNA for testing.

Our own investigation shows that the story is likely fabricated, that Kaepernick’s parents probably aren’t named Brad and Didi, and that it would be pretty difficult for them to do this interview together if he was dead.

Nevertheless, giving the benefit of the doubt and praying it’s true couldn’t hurt.

Here’s to hoping he’s actually a white dude, so we can set him up with that Rachel Dolezol woman. God Bless America.