ABC Says There’s “No Chance” The Conners Survives The Writer’s Strike

Insiders at ABC are saying that “The Conners,” the show stolen from Roseanne Barr, is on the chopping block. According to Senior Programming Director Joe Barron, there’s no chance the show survives the writer’s strike.

“We have limited resources,” said Barron, “and we can’t spend them writing the woke scripts the leads on that show require. We’ll be saving simple shows and forums like The View. The Conners is done for.”

The news came as a pleasant surprise to Roseanne, who starts her new role as the host of a morning show on Fox in the same timeslot as The View. “I think we’re gonna kick their asses in the ratings,” she told ALLOD correspondent Skip Tetheludah.

None of the “talent” on the show have any other jobs lined up or any prospects if the show does get canceled. “I’ll probably retire, said lesbian Laurie Metcalf, “I don’t have any other skills.”

The rest of the cast is on just as much trouble. Lacey Garansen may be cuter than she was in 1987, but she doesn’t have a very impressive resume. And what ever happened to DJ?

John Goodman says he’s definitely done after this show ends. “I’m skinny now and might live another decade. I want to retire and build battle bots.”

Who can blame him? Those things are awesome. God bless Battle Bots and God Bless America.

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