Struggling Disney Giving Away Free Tickets So Parks Look “Less Empty”

Disney parks are so empty that teams of customer service specialists have been sent out into the area to give away free tickets.

More than 7,000 tickets went out in fanny packs, according to events coordinator Joe Barron, and that was just the first run.

The tactic isn’t new. In the late 90s, when Ted Turned decided to show the McMahons how to run an entertainment business, the WWE gave away tickets to Monday Night Raw on a regular basis.

Disney, which provided the set for Hulk Hogan’s boat show, is now caught trying to emulate the failing wrestling tactics and will have to most likely hire Ted Turner to fix it.

Turner, who hasn’t worked since he sold CNN to the Chinese, says he has little interest in wrestling, but he does believe the sweatshops in Taiwan produce much higher quality shoes than their Korean counterparts.

North Korean President Kim Jong Un says Nike isn’t welcome in his country, and neither is Disney.

Disney will continue to give away tickets for free to unsuspecting tourists until the boycotts come to an end and conservatives allow them to do business again. President Joe Biden says he’s not in favor of nuking the filibuster either way. God bless America.

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