NFL Coaches Vote Unanimously to Permanently Ban Anthem Kneeling: “It Stops Now”

Thirty of the 32 coaches in the NFL voted for a league-wide rule against kneeling for the National Anthem. The two holdouts will likely lose their jobs.

“It’s the logical thing to do,” said Jets Head Coach Joe Barron, “My staff and I have no issues with people protesting, just not in such a way that it disrupts football operations.”

That sentiment was echoed across the league, with a few coaches taking it a step further. “It’s disrespectful to our nation and to those who served,” said Bills Offensive Coordinator Jack Bowman, “I didn’t get a vote, but I made my opinion clear.”

Bills Head Coach Art Tubolls was one of the holdouts in the end. Bowman, who’s been with the team for 20 years, is retiring at the end of the season.

“That’s a lot of bullhonkey all in one place,” said ALLOD Sportsball Correspondent Tara Newhole, “Those people don’t exist in football. That kind of a vote would be…the silliest thing ever. Who the hell came up with this one?”

Newhole has a point. Since the coaches we listed aren’t actually coaches, there may be something to be said for the validity of the vote. We’ve reached out to the NFL for clarification.

Once we know more we’ll surely pass it on in a similarly fictional manner. Stay tuned for more on this developing nonsense. God bless America.

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