Megan Rapinoe Released From Pro Soccer Team OL Reign: “It’s Time She Moves On”

Megan Rapinoe has been released from the Seattle soccer team OL Reign, according to a team spokesman.

“Ms. Rapinoe’s poor performance and continued insistence on kneeling during the National Anthem at international events Made the decision easy,” said Field Coordinator Joe Barron, “She’s a troublemaker who typically performs. Now she’s just a troublemaker.”

The team released her on waivers, making it possible for another to pick her up.

“I doubt anyone will,” said soccer expert Sandy Batt, “her skills are obviously diminished. Where’s the return on the investment?”

Cynthia Luhu, spokeswoman for OL Reign, says the team might consider taking Rapinoe back, but only with certain conditions. “You have to understand,” she said, “there comes a point at which all conservatives believe a thing. If we’re not punishing this woman properly when the wave hits, we might as well be the Babylon Bee.”

There may have been some kind of a crossover between planes of existence during Luhu’s statement, so it’s best to not try to figure out what the hell she just said. We have fact-checkers for that.

In other news, it looks as thought the US Olympic team will also be cutting Ms. Rapinoe loose, because that makes complete sense. God Bless America.

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