Anheuser Busch CEO Admits the Bud Light Brand Will Never Recover: “We’ll Probably Scrap It”

CEO of InBev’s American Operations Alex Joseph Barron says the Bud Light brand will likely “never recover.”

“It’s a tainted name now,” Barron told us in an exclusive interview, “Think AirTran. It didn’t matter what they did, they would always be ValuJet. A name that invokes an eternal layover in the Everglades.”

Bud Light is, indeed, in its death throes. As sales plummet and stocks expire and get tossed in the garbage, the company hemorrhages cash.

“We’ve lost Billions,” said Barron, “and not just in some magical market cap that will reappear in next year’s portfolio. Real money. Product. People are losing their jobs. Breweries are closing. We completely underestimated the power of the boycott.”

Barron still never offered an apology, just an acknowledgment that the Dylan Mulvaney campaign was “misguided.” Until he does apologize, we’ll keep writing these stories and punishing Bud Light as often as possible. Unlike InBev, ALLOD knows exactly what true patriots really want.

We’ll stop short of the actual fantasies, of course, since far too many are rooted in some sort of homoerotica, but we’ll be happy to give Garth Brooks a good spanking online so you can picture it for yourselves at home.

There’s no shortage of material, patriots. We look forward to serving your rage. God Bless America.

Related Posts

A Journey Through Time: The History of Kitchen Tools

Have you ever stopped to think how the kitchen tools we rely on every day came to be? Today, let’s take a trip back in time to…

For the first time, baby hears his mother’s voice

A Heartwarming Moment Back in 2017, an incredible video captured the touching moment when a baby girl heard her mother’s voice for the very first time. This…

Sally Field, 76, battled ageism in Hollywood her entire career and never had plastic surgery.

It’s rare to encounter a celebrity nowadays who hasn’t had work done, especially given the pressure that renowned women often face. It’s challenging to be a woman…

Princess Diana never-before-seen photographs

Princess Diana was not known as “The People’s Princess” just because it was a catchy moniker for her. No, she became an essential person for the British…

Remembrance of Reba McEntire’s Band Members Who Have Passed Away

Reba McEntire deeply appreciates the magnitude of loss and the depths of suffering. 1991 marked a turning point in history because it was the year the superstar…

Bruce Willis Battles with Dementia

In a recent revelation, it has been disclosed that the legendary Bruce Willis, now aged 68, is facing a courageous battle with dementia. This unfortunate condition has…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *